so now... am attending this zoom where the hospital APNs are sharing about their roles and so-called "achievement" or "contribution" to the hospital like reducing hospital reattendance etc.
Whenever people ask me about my so-called final goal/ destination in nursing, more often than not, I had replied that I want to be a community APN specialising in chronic diseases. Was kinda inspired when I went for my polyclinic attachment and sat in for a consultation with the APN. Can still remember her talking to her patient regarding his sugar control, his medication and diet, and the patient had left the room with new information on how to control his sugar levels. He had been taking lots of fruits -- contributing to his high sugar level. It had never crossed his mind that fruits could one day be an obstacle in his health management. In the eyes of many elderly, fruits are good stuff.
So it kinda stirred some strings inside me since then.
I want to do something like that too.
But.
It feels a bit unreachable.
From my observation, all the APN had one thing in common.
Outspoken.
Knowledgeable too.
These which I have not.
Kinda sad.
People tell me, you can force yourself to be outspoken.
You can force yourself to be out there, to be noticed.
I don't know about that.
Sometimes I hate myself for that.
I just refuse to make myself uncomfortable.
I just want to stay in my little shell.
Maybe I should.
And just slowly rot inside.
God.
This is getting depressing.
The zoom lecture is getting more and more uninteresting.
Like -
so many boom pows, fireworks, things that I am still not at a level to understand.
Which reminds me again of how far I am from them.
...
...
