hormones... my enemy

Been feeling sad and tired

Don't feel like doing anything

Even while watching drama I find myself not really following the plot

Don't want to get out of the house

Don't feel like I'm in the mood to do anything

Received my parcel and felt a little bit of joy transiently looking at how pretty some of the pieces are ... Then I feel sad again since I don't really go out and thus not going wear them out much.

Kinda annoyed at myself... Was supposed to go out ystd with my sister, then it kinda transited into a family thing and my mum cancelled last minute on us and eventually we ended up staying at home. Suggested to go out with my sis today and now here I am... Not wanting to go out. Why? I don't know. 

Rewriting my bucket list now

1. Experience Autumn in Jeju

2. Experience Autumn in Taiwan

3. Experience Spring and Cherry blossoms in Taiwan

4. Sail down the Malacca river into the sunset

5. Experience a Spring Spa bath 

6. Explore more trails and food in SG

7. ( Will continue when more comes to mind )

....

Just realised something

Reflected back on my bucket list when I was a teen

It consisted more of things that I could achieve with monetary power. Thus most of them have been achieved after I started working.

Those that I did not achieve... Were idealistic dreams which have been wiped off the list when pragmatism hits once stepping up into adulthood...

不是自己想要的状态

最近。。。总是感到焦虑。。。

焦虑自己和其他同龄在事业途中的成就攀比。。。

焦虑自己没办法和妹妹一样有勇气自己出国旅行一次。。。

焦虑自己明明想活得随心所欲，但又好像做不到。。。

最近。。。总是需要靠别的东西让自己睡着。。。吃药，看大侦探，听广播。。。已经不记得自己最后一次安安静静的自然睡着是什么时候了。。。

这样的自己。。。我想问问。。。你还好吗？